Christmas Funerals

Today is Friday the 13th. Often is is looked upon as a day of bad luck.  But for one family today, it is a day of saying goodbye and celebrating life.  Today is the visitation day for a young mother and wife who has passed away from cancer.  This mother was also somebody I called a friend.  I can’t even begin to describe what a loving, godly, endearing woman she was.  It is truly a sad day for all whom she leaves behind.  But, at the same time as we mourn we also can celebrate a life that was lived completely.  She lived a full life. She lived every day that was ordained for her to live from the beginning of time.  She accomplished God’s purpose and now she gets to be home.

I can’t say I am not sad.  I am.  I will truly truly miss her and every time I look across the street I will be reminded of the empty space she once filled in her home. My heart aches for her husband, children, and family that love her so deeply.  I will miss how excited my Zoe (my mini doxie) would get every time she saw her.  I will miss the way that Zoe would stop in front of her house when we walked and insisted we go in to visit…and how she would just eat her alive with puppy kisses every time.  Jennifer was our puppy sitter and she truly treated our puppy as if she were her own.  She loved Zoe.

I got to have a cup of coffee with my friend just before things took a turn for the worst.  Even in her pain, weakness and suffering, all she could do was glorify God in her speech.  She was so positive and even in her sickness, more concerned for others than herself. She was so reassuring and more concerned with my comfort than her own. We had such a beautiful talk that day.  I’m so thankful I took the time to visit. Tomorrow is her funeral.

My grandmother passed away the day before Jennifer did, but 17 years ago.  That year my grandfather died just before Thanksgiving and my grandmother just before Christmas.  My grandmother was probably the most influential person in my childhood.  She is the one who introduced me to Jesus (although I didn’t accept Him as Savior until many years later).  I wasn’t able to attend either funeral because I lived too far away and the expense was too great.  We look at these Christmas funerals as tragic. What a horrible time to lose somebody.  Often, it ruins the Christmas season for people for the rest of their life.  They can’t enjoy it because it reminds them of so much pain and emptiness.  Today, I lift up all who have lost a loved one in the past couple weeks.  I pray for peace, strength, comfort and joy that surpasses all understanding.  I pray they will celebrate this season and remember the One who gives life and takes life is also the one who gave His own life.  It is because of this season we celebrate that we can have hope of being reunited with our loved ones at the feet of Jesus for all eternity…if indeed we have accepted the greatest Christmas gift ever given..the gift of the Savior…God’s son…given by God Himself, to die so that we might have eternal life.  Today, Jennifer joins my grandmother, my bestie, and other loved ones who have died in Christ in joyful worship. Together with the heavenly host they sing, “Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty Who was and is and is to come!”

Tomorrow,  I will attend Jennifer’s Christmas funeral.  For those left behind, it seems tragic to lose a loved one during the Christmas season.  But, for the one who dies in Christ, it’s the best Christmas ever!  So, tomorrow, in the midst of great sorrow on earth, there will be great celebration in Heaven.  At the same time, knowing her family, there will not be a great focus on the loss of their precious loved one.  I know these people.  Their faith and love for God and one another is a rare and priceless example that we all can follow.  I want to go to this Christmas funeral because I know I will be in a presence of godliness.  I want to be with them as they celebrate her life and say a temporary goodbye to their beloved wife, mother, daughter, sibling, relative, friend.  It is likely I will be invisible and that’s just what I want to be.  I want to just be there to say, “I care” and “thank you”.  Their family has made such a huge impact on my walk with God.  Merry Christmas sweet friend!

Make me Invisible

The greatest struggle in my walk with God can be described in one word.  My greatest hindrance to growth, my greatest killer of relationships, the greatest detriment to a deeper walk with God and a stronger faith….me.  Another word…selfishness.  My life is about me more than anything else.  This is every Christian’s battle and when we realize how self centered we are…that is the first step towards victory and freedom.  When we realize that we need God in control of EVERY SINGLE aspect, every thought, every activity we participate in…and when we choose His desire for us over our own…that is when we grow.  That is when we are free. I don’t know about anyone else, but dying to self is a huge struggle for me every moment of every day.  God help me to die that you might live in and through me.  Let me live in such a way that others see Christ and I am invisible.

Advent 2013 Day 2

“The Only People whose soul can truly magnify the Lord are people like Elizabeth and Mary – people who acknowledge their lowly estate and are overwhelmed by the condescension of the magnificent God.” – John Piper, “Good News of Great joy” Daily Readings for Advent (Day 2). Read Luke 1:46-55

 I struggle so much to get to the place where I am overwhelmed by the condescension of the magnificent God.  I want my soul to truly magnify the Lord.  But, I have big dreams right?  I mean, why can’t God use me to write like John Piper?  Why can’t I be used by God to do great things?  Why?  Why not me? 

Have you ever asked yourself questions similar to these?  Why does so and so get chosen to do such and such but I fail?  What about me?

Well, here’s the problem “Me”.  What about, “me”?  Why can’t “I”?  Instead of desiring greatness, I want to desire holiness.  I want to desire humility.  I want to desire God.  I want everything I desire to be for Him and to magnify Him, not me.  I want God to be in control of how I order my days but, honestly, I am. 

I told my son today that I want God to show up and I want Him to meet with me daily. When I pray I want Him to be the one speaking through me.  I want Him to lead.  As I said this to my son, I heard God’s Holy Spirit speak to my heart.  He said, “Then meet me on MY time, not yours. I want to be first. That means you meet with me before you do anything else.  If you will meet me when I say, then that is where you start letting go and letting me lead things.”

Every morning, I get up and get busy doing things.  I keep putting my prayer time off.  Then, in the middle of the day I “might” squeeze that in.  I start out with good intentions but it takes me a while to wake up and get focused in the morning so I put off my prayer time for after breakfast and coffee.  But then I get distracted and I just keep putting it off.  I need to do it even if I am unfocused and half asleep.  If I am too “foggy” I can always come back later and try again, but I need the first thing I do every day to be falling on my face in humility before the Lord. 

Humility is something else I struggle with.  I have said before that all too often I find myself asking for things and striving to praise because I know I’m supposed to.  I want my praise to be a natural overflow from a heart that is right with God.  I want to be so humble that I don’t feel right asking Him for anything at all and I can’t do anything but praise Him. That’s where I want to be. But, apart from Christ I can’t do anything at all, not even desire God. 

This is my praise….

I praise God for showing my lack of humility and that there is nothing I can do about it.  I praise Him that He alone can bring me down so He can lift me up. Then I will I realize how great He is and how much I need Him!  I praise Him for each time that He brings me to the end of myself and how He helps me to see the areas in my life where I am not surrendering to Him.  These days, that area is ironically in my dependence on Him to lead me in prayer.  I can do all things by His strength but apart from Him I can do nothing.  This means I can’t even desire humility, grace, or God.  It starts with obedience. Whether I feel like it or not, not matter how tired or unfocused I feel, I need to get on my face before the Lord…FIRST and DAILY…even if only just to wait. His word tells me that If I love Him, I will obey Him.  He has called me to meet with Him FIRST.  So, that is what I am going to do.  This is the only way things will change.

I want my soul to magnify the Lord like Elizabeth and Mary’s.

Advent 2013 December 1

In January, I plan on taking a temporary hiatus.  I will be somewhat of a hermit for a month. I need some time to rest in the Lord without all the craziness that life brings.  I will be cutting off the computer more, shutting off the cell phone, and listening only to worship music during the day while I minister to my husband and to God at home as much as possible.  I want to be still so I can hear the voice of God that does not come in the wind or the earthquake or the fire….but the still small voice that speaks softly to my heart.  I can only hear it if I quiet my spirit and this is so hard to do!

In the meantime, this is the first year I will be celebrating Advent.  I wasn’t raised doing this and never quite understood it.  I have been reading up on it tonight and I wish I had done this sooner because I would have done things much differently at Christmas when my kids were home.

Tonight I read the introduction to the readings and already my heart has changed, I prayed that God would really help me to make this Christmas special because of His glory revealed.  It’s already starting just on this first day of advent.

I have struggled so much in my relationship with Jesus.  I don’t desire Him like I should. I don’t love Him like I should.  Tonight’s reading helped me to realize that I struggle because I am trying to love Him in my flesh…in my own strength.  That is impossible!  It is only through the Spirit of God who lives in me that I am able to love at all and the only way I can love Jesus is by being the vessel by which the Father’s love passes through me to Him.  I need only be available.  I can’t even desire to please God apart from His placing that desire in me.  So, tonight, on  the first night of Advent, this is my prayer, that God would place that desire in me…the desire to be available and the strength to follow through.  I pray that He would quiet my spirit and that His Spirit would work mightily through me.  I ask that He would let me be a vessel by which He loves His son.  Oh that the Spirit of God would work this miracle in me this Christmas…beginning tonight.

Here is a link to the devotions I will be reading. I hope you will join me and please share your experiences with me if you can.  See my contacts page and send me a note!  Advent Devotional

Learn more about the Advent Wreath tradition.

Image borrowed from http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcuw8ngwgy1qc7dex.jpg

November

Well, the month of November is not much less than a blur. I posted my thanks daily on Facebook. What a wonderful month is was. Hopefully, some time this week I will have time to reflect and post the wonderful experiences and traveling that has taken place. I will return to this post and update it later (I hope).