My Lenten Experience- Day 3

If I grow in wisdom and stature and favor with God and Man…then I will be like Jesus.  Lord, I pray that you will grow me in wisdom and stature in favor with You and man….just like Jesus in Luke 2:52.  I know this doesn’t mean I will be liked by everyone…or popular (as my flesh always seems to desire).  But it will mean that those who have ears to hear and hearts to grow…will give favor to Christ in me. They will listen. They are hungry.  You will use me to feed them.  This is my prayer. I want Jesus’ ability to understand spiritual Truth. I want to have Jesus’ attention span and sound mind.  Is it wrong for me to ask for that? 

I also want Jesus’ wisdom and ability to speak and teach Truth. If the Holy Spirit lives in me then I have everything I need to speak, live and teach as Jesus did…with the heart and mind of Christ.  I want to learn how to give that Spirit full control.  I want to yield to that Spirit every moment of every day in all situations and circumstances.  I want the sin of pride, envy and selfishness to stop preventing me from all that God has for me and for me to do.  Dear God…hear my prayer.  Jesus was full of humility even with all His amazing ability.  That’s how I want to be..for the glory of the Father and the furthering of the Gospel.

Read About the Youth of Jesus Here

Old Habits- Day 2 of Lent

 

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy”

 Proverbs 28:13 (NIV).

When Jesus heard this, he told them, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Mark 2:17

This morning, as I am preparing spiritually, mentally and physically for a personal retreat as well as a ladies retreat, I have been drawn back to my journal from a ladies retreat that took place in 2012.  I am going to share it here because the same prayer I posted, I prayed this morning.  This means I have slipped back into old habits and have not stuck to the new ones.  Hopefully, after this season of Lent has passed, by the grace of God, I will have developed new habits that will stick.

I am posting this prayer because I believe in being transparent.  It is not something that is practiced much by church goers these days.  Everybody likes to appear like they have it all together when really they are falling apart.  It seems as though those who are in leadership feel the need to appear strong and as having it together.  I remember one time, when I worked at a church, I was told that I should not talk about my problems with those who came in the office.  I was going through probably one of the worst (if not the worst) times in my life. There were a couple  ladies who I felt free to open up to.  But, it was a mistake because it was my job to make the staff look good and I was showing weakness and vulnerability.  That apparently made the entire staff look like they didn’t have it together.  I am not saying this to be critical, but only using it as an example of how Christians can so easily succumb to the temptation of keeping up an image.

The only image we are responsible for is the image of God and the only way we can present that image is by being real, transparent, and more than anything, in His presence daily.  

So, I put myself out there.  I am real.  This is frightening and even seems intimidating and/or threatening to those who fight so hard to appear “superhuman”.  God calls us to be humble servants.  We must let others know that we are human and we battle weaknesses.  I have nothing to hide.  Oh, no, it hasn’t won me any popularity contests by any stretch of the imagination and this has been very difficult.  My flesh wants to be accepted by my peers.  I beat myself up constantly as I wonder what is wrong with me that I experience so much rejection…wait…Isn’t that what Jesus’ life was like?  Isn’t that what the Bible tells us to expect?

I have been deceived into believing that the rejection I will experience and the persecution that will come, will be from the secular world.  But, in the Bible, the greatest portion of persecution came from the religious leaders, the church.  Jesus was crucified because it was the wish of the religious of that day.  Now, ultimately,  God is responsible for Jesus crucifixion.  It had to happen.  But, that’s another can of worms. I have posted a link to a great article on this subject at the end of this post.  But, for the sake of this topic, I’m going to focus on the fact that even though the world will reject and persecute believers, the church is no exception.  Believers will likely bear the deepest heartbreak at the hands of God’s imperfect people.  I am also guilty.  I’m willing to bet there are people out there who struggle to get over harmful things I have said and done “in the name of God” out of sheer ignorance.  For this my heart breaks and I am trying so hard to be careful with how I use my words and how I respond when I am attacked.  It’s so easy to lash out in an emotional moment and bring about consequences that may take a lifetime to heal from.  Okay, I have been chasing rabbits here so I’m going to get back to where I need to be with this…

It is important as believers that we are transparent.  It is not wrong to show our weaknesses.  It is good.  This way, others can see our need for growth and walk with us (not judge) and share how God has helped them to overcome in similar circumstances.  Giving an appearance that we have it all together when we don’t can be intimidating to those who are hurting and they will be less likely to reach out.  They will put on a mask and pretend they have it altogether too. Eventually, however, the masks have to come off.  So, in an effort to remain transparent, I am going to put myself in a place of vulnerability and share this prayer with you.  It was my prayer 2 years ago and it is still my prayer today.  I have made little progress.  This is my battle as I am sure others share this struggle. This is the reason for putting my neck on the line, in hopes others will identify and perhaps seek God, help, counseling, accountability, or whatever they need to get things right and overcome in glorious victory.

This was and is my prayer:

“Father in Heaven, how Great is your name.  You are holy and You alone are worthy of all honor and praise.  I must be honest because You know my heart and thoughts better than I do. I cannot hide anything from You.  My deepest need right now is to be able to hear from You. I need direction.  I am being pulled so many ways.  Every moment of the day is filled with so many choices and responsibilities.  I find it easier to just escape by through surfing the net or other mindless activities (shirking responsibility).  But, I need to order my day according to Your plans and not my own.  I can’t get that instruction from You if I don’t begin my day in prayer.  I don’t pray first and there are days that go by where I don’t really have any focused, meaningful prayer at all.  Then, at the end of the day when I have accomplished nothing, I am left feeling defeated.  I am the source of my own undoing.  Help me, Lord to be better disciplined and to see how desperately I need to spend time with You before I do anything else (He is doing this and has blessed me with a wonderful accountability partner). Move in me every morning when my eyes first open, before I do anything, draw me into Your presence.  Oh, Lord, convict my heart every day to get on my knees and seek You on how to order my day and then to order it according to Your plans and not my own. Open my eyes that I may see You and my ears that I may hear from You….first thing, above all that the day will bring.  I repent for my shortcomings oh Lord.  I thank you for the forgiveness You provided at Calvary.  You died for all my sins, past, present, and future.  You cried out for God to forgive and so it was accomplished.  When I accepted You as my Savior, You came and washed every sin away that I have ever committed or will commit.  But repentance is still in order, not because I still need forgiveness, but because You command it and I still sin. Therefore, I need to acknowledge it, confess it, turn from it and get back on the right path with You.  Thank You for shedding Your blood that covers over all my sin so that I can stand before my Holy God pure and righteous despite my shortcomings. Thank you for convicting my heart when I fail.  Thank you for mercy and grace that I may start again.  Your mercies are new every morning.  May I never take them for granted.  In the precious name of my wonderful Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ I pray.  Amen.” 

Today I pray this same prayer because sometimes, old habits just die hard.  I never really broke free from this. But, in this season of Lent, I am going to really focus on breaking this pattern of behavior once and for all.  I can’t do this in my own strength.  But in Christ I am an overcomer!  I am victorious and you can be too!  

Note:  I just read my post from day 2 of Lent last year.  I was struggling the same way.  I have made some progress since then but not enough.  The focus on the last post was humility.  This time on transparency.  I am humbled to admit that I have not grown as much as I hoped to in this area.  Next year (if it is God’s will that I’m still here) it will be different! I am holding myself accountable!

Who Crucified Jesus?