I’ve always dreamed of being on a radio show. A friend in my past created one with me several years ago. We posted a little 15 minute blurb on our blog every now and then. I think we entertained ourselves more than anyone else…but if I do say so myself…it was pretty doggone funny! I still listen and laugh! What great memories. Tomorrow, however, it’s the real deal, live…with real people listening…what comes out of my mouth will be out there forever…no editing! Yikes that’s definitely gonna get my adrenalin pumping! I kinda like that adrenalin rush thing…as long as it’s not coming from leaping out of a plane or bungee jumping! I know there are some who would rather jump out of a plane than talk to a live audience…or even a dead one…not sure I’d ever want to talk to a dead audience…that would be so creepy and very possibly even gross! But, at least there would be no critics…at least one would hope not! Anyhow, I’m gonna reel this fish in and ask my friends to whisper a prayer for the conversation between 1 and 2 central time tomorrow! What a wonderful opportunity God has given me…I sure don’t want to mess it up…may the Lord allow me to say only what He wants people to hear. That’s my prayer. It’s Domestic Violence Awareness month and I finally get to do something to get the message out! Stop the Violence!
Archive | October 2013
“A Walk of Death”
This is the second post in my October themed series.
Have you ever had a status update on Facebook cause that little green eyed monster called Envy or Jealousy start to rise up? This has happened to me many times. But there is one particular time that caused me to see that I still had much to die to. My entire life, I have sat on the sidelines watching others live out my dreams. Do you have that “nemesis” in your life? You know, that one person or maybe more than one person for whom everything always falls into place? All your desires, dreams, hopes, become reality. Problems is, it is not your reality. It is that “other” person’s reality. For me the dream has always been women’s ministry. I love to plan events. I love to lead Bible studies. I love to speak, teach, counsel. I have such a passion for women’s ministry. For years I have dreamed up conferences and thought about who I would want to do what and the worship music that we’d play. I have planned out themes and even wrote out messages that I would love to give.
One thing I want to do is to plan a retreat for women. I especially want to plan one for women who have been abused and are starting over. I’d love to take them on a trip to the mountains and teach them how to get away from it all, to seek out God in the midst of His creation. I have been doing this for many years thanks to a friend who did the same thing before me. She told me about her tradition to go on a personal retreat when I was a single mom rebuilding after a dysfunctional marriage ended. This has been so instrumental in my recovery. I never could have accomplished the things that I have or survived some of the storms that I have had to face if I hadn’t had that time away with God. It is my personal believe that is crucial for domestic violence survivors (and everyone else of course) to take time away with God. This time has been pivotal in my walk with God. But….
It just doesn’t ever work out. I have belonged to a few churches over the last 15 years in which my heart so desired to work in women’s ministry but I was either too this, too that. Or there was no desire for women’s ministry. Or, they didn’t need anybody else to be a part of the team…whatever the reason, I did not qualify. I even went to school and got an associate’s degree in sociology. Then I moved on to a bachelor’s degree in organizational leadership (and the debt that goes with it of course). I thought this would help. But still, nothing changed. I have gone through Christian counseling to overcome past hurts and abuses. I have volunteered in hopes to gain experience. I even tried a semester working towards a masters degree. (I quickly learned that this was most definitely not part of God’s plan.)
So, after all my hard work and effort, I found myself slipping into despair as my life seemed to be going by so quickly and I didn’t seem to have moved even one step closer to those dreams. A couple former churches I had belonged to had no formal women’s ministry. But, they did have a person in charge of planning events. They had a go to person who pretty much called all the shots. This person was loved and respected by everyone and spoken very well of. I wondered, “What’s wrong with me that I can never seem to qualify to do the things that I get to watch others do? Why is it so hard to gain the respect of others? What in the world is wrong with me? Why do I always have to watch and I never get to be in the game?”
I even watched as one of “those people” in particular seemed to step right into my life. My friends quickly became her friends as I took a backseat. I felt replaced, dejected and discarded to name a few things. I ended up moving so it was good that they all had one another (at least that is what I’m supposed to say). It was even so bad that I even began to play some online games in hopes to feel like I could succeed at something. At this point, I was pathetically desperate! But if I ever got one point in the lead, one of those nemeses was sure to come back and easily blow me off the board. Was it intentional? Absolutely not. She was just not that kind of person. She is a humble, sweet, godly woman who would never intentionally hurt anyone. I was the one with the problem. She had no idea. She just simply walked through the doors God opened for her…and they just happened to be the doors I thought were designated for me to go through. They aren’t even the doors she desires to go through really…they just open and she goes. In fact, she often wonders why certain doors haven’t opened for her. So, why her? Why not me? Is it some kind of unknown sin that needs to go? I’m sure of it. However, what if God just has other plans for me? What if my dreams are “my” dreams that “I” keep trying to accomplish without Him? What if His plans are so much better? What if He is just waiting for me to stop claiming these dreams as “mine” and acknowledge that they are “His” plans to unfold according to “His” purpose for “His” glory in “His” time?
Why am I sharing this? Because I want everyone to know that I am human. I am not posting to make people like me. This blog is to show my humanity and how God’s grace trumps my humanity. I’m posting this to share that I have no good in me at all apart from God. But, every morning, His mercies are new and I get a clean slate. I get to start over. I am thankful that God creates in me an awareness of my weaknesses by bringing a “nemesis” into my life every now and then. I get to see the areas of my life that need work. I get to see Him do that work through me. I learn more and more how pathetic I am on my own and how much I need God. I also get to learn that in spite of my worthlessness apart from God, my value with Him is beyond description. I am created in the image of God and the Spirit of the Living God is IN ME! Every day through every success and failure, I am being molded more and more into His likeness for His glory, not mine.
In order to keep from going down into a deep pit of depravity, every morning, I get to start over and trust God with each moment of that day. He speaks to me through His Word (the Bible). He tells me that it is through suffering that I grow closer to Him. He teaches me that love is not jealous and it does not envy. He teaches me that I need to have faith and trust that He knows what He is doing. He is holding me in the palm of His hand and He will guide my steps. He opens and closes doors. If indeed my dreams are God-given (as I expect they are), then I will see those dreams come to life. It will be far greater than anything I could have imagined or hoped for in my finite mind! Oh how I limit God! He has this! The thing is, I have to remember that my dreams aren’t “my” dreams for me. They are His dreams for His purpose and I just get to be used. They are not for any glory of my own. They are for His glory alone. I have to be a woman of faith. I have to be patient. I have to trust and most of all I must believe God!
My walk with God is a walk of death. I have to die to the pull of my selfish desires (also known as dying to my “flesh”). But it is also one of resurrection (new mercies every morning because of the new life I have in Christ. The old has passed away and I am a new creation in Christ as spoken of in Ephesians). I keep searching for the window of opportunity. There is one open out there someplace and I will find it when I am ready and the time is right. In the mean time, I must continue to serve God with all my heart through windows that are open now (even if they are not what I would consider to be the fulfillment of my heart’s deepest longing). I must continue to focus on whatever is pure, lovely, admirable. I must constantly refocus my brain on whatever is praiseworthy. I must count it all joy when I suffer because it is the testing of my faith that produces perseverance. I must let perseverance finish its work that I might be complete and mature, not lacking anything (See James 1:2-4, heck, read the whole chapter). These are the ways God speaks to me. This is why I call this blog RhemaJoy because the Word of the Lord is my only source of true joy. This is why I know I can trust God in all my circumstances. He can heal past hurts. He gives beauty for ashes. But, we must first trust Him. We must believe that He will do what He says He will do. This is where hope and joy take root. But death must take place before life can begin (1 Corinthians 15:36). We must die to selfish desires in order to live and grow in victory.
October and The 7 Deadly Sins
This month, many will be spending time celebrating black cats, jack-o-lanterns, witches, and demons. Before you think this is another post condemning the practices of All Hallow’s Eve, it is not. People are fascinated by scary things. It’s gets the adrenalin pumping and well, it can be fun being scared sometimes….and scaring others. Since such a focus is placed on death and evil in October (which is somewhat ironic as beautiful as the foliage is, October is a month of death in nature). I’m not trying to be a downer here. There is such beauty in the colors and the weather. It’s a time when people venture out again. It’s a time of harvest. (Some Christians believe Christ is going to return to harvest believers during the harvest season.) So, death leads to life. Funny how God even ordained the events of history to point to eternity. Just as a seed has to die and be buried in order to bring forth life, so goes the story of mankind, the fall, Jesus Christ, the crucifixion, the resurrection and finally, the great harvest of souls. No wonder I feel so close to God and hear from Him so clearly when I get alone with Him in the midst of His creation! I digress….
Since this month is one that revolves around the “undead”, I thought it might be fun to put an October type twist on this blog. So, for the next few weeks (when I am able since I will be traveling a lot), I will try to post things that will call our attentions to what the Bible says about death, Hell, demons, and the devil. The first post will be a link to an article on the 7 deadly sins.
RhemaJoy Ministries 
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