About the Victim

An abuse victim shouldn’t be further abused by being condemned for having a victim mentality.  Usually, this is done by those who have never walked a step in the shoes of a victim.  While a victim can become strong, it is a struggle throughout her life to overcome the memories.  It is a struggle to believe that she has worth.  It takes the grace of God and the loving support of good Christian people to bring forth healing.  Criticism will not work with an abuse victim and it is rarely, if ever, constructive.  You can’t help a person who has suffered a lifetime of criticism by offering more criticism and calling it constructive.  When a person who has had their faults pointed out to them for their entire life, gets hit with a list of improvements she needs to make, it only affirms what she has been told her entire life…that she is broken and has no hope of ever measuring up.  A victim needs to know that she has good qualities.  She needs to feel trusted.  She needs to know that others have confidence in her abilities. She needs to know that she can be strong.  So, when trying to help, don’t try to “fix” her by pointing out how broken she is.  She already knows this.  It is encouragement that will help her pick up the pieces and put her life back together again.  Show her how valuable she is to God, to you and to others.  This is the glue that will restore her to wholeness.

Here is an informational post about what it’s like to be a victim of abuse.  Stop judging.  Start loving.

http://ptl2010.com/2013/11/08/he-lifts-us-up-the-a-to-z-of-abuse-2-corinthians-129/

Captive to Christ

I am so thankful that my God is so merciful and compassionate. He is so faithful and patient. Several years ago, I suffered a painful break in a very special friendship. It was the kind of friendship that one never forgets. There are reminders everywhere. I have given that relationship to God. I realize that I can’t fix it. Every time I have tried, I just make it worse. I accept that it is what it is and God has it in His hands. He will do what He will do according to His good purpose. However, I can’t say that my heart has ever stopped aching for the good ole days. We can’t live in the present if we never stop looking at the past. My friend is still my best friend. In other words, she is the friend who has the biggest part of my heart in spite of whatever had happened between us. I do not know where I am in hers but, God does and I pray that I am right where He wants me to be. If I’m not, then I pray He will put me there. I can’t say that this is a completely unselfish prayer or I’d be lying and I would be dead because I’d be perfect and we aren’t perfect until we reach glory right? So, yes, I do hope secretly (well it’s not a secret anymore because I’m blogging about it) that one day we will both have the same place in one another’s hearts. My friend is far from perfect in so many ways, just like me. It is our imperfections that have divided us. But, God has a way of working those kinks out doesn’t He?

Sometimes, the enemy of my soul (Satan), messes with my head and I become very self-centered and I want what I want. I feel sorry for myself and what I lost. I know what a treasure we once had as friends. I see others experiencing that treasure and that is when the battle begins. I battle envy. I battle jealousy. I battle resentment. I hear that “voice” whispering lies to me such as, “You are disposable” and “look how easily you can be replaced”. There was a time when I believed this and I experienced such self loathing. I felt worthless. But, I know better now.

I am writing about all of this for several reasons. First, to let the reader know that I am human. I get weak. I am imperfect. Just because God is using me in the area of women’s ministry, doesn’t make me any less susceptible to failure in times of temptation. In fact, I feel like the battle for my mind and heart has gotten even more fierce with every ministry opportunity. Second, to help the reader to see how God can use a broken pot like myself.  You don’t have to be perfect to be used by God.  The greater our imperfections, the more He is glorified through the outcome (he must really be getting some glory coming from my life that’s for sure).

I am stronger because I have fought this battle for my mind many times and lost. But, each time, I get a little bit stronger. God uses these things. He doesn’t allow any kind of suffering that doesn’t serve His redemptive purpose. He doesn’t allow temptation to overcome us…we do! He always provides a way out. The way out of the battlefield in your mind is found in 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  This is not an easy lesson to learn and it takes a lifetime to master it.  I have by no means arrived but, I am much further along than I used to be.

With every battle I grow stronger in my ability to refocus my thoughts and to remember what God’s Word says. His word is life to me. God’s Word speaks Truth to every lie the deceiver puts into our mind but it is up to us to choose which voice we will listen to. Tonight, I was reminded that love is not for me. Love is from God for me to give to others. Love requires me to think more of what another person needs than what I think I need. If that is space and time, then so be it.  God’s Word tells me to rejoice in the Lord always and to count every trial a blessing. There are so many more truths found in His Word…and they turn my sorrow to joy. If no other truth exists, I know I can trust Him and He works everything out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His good purpose (Romans 8:28). No time for editing. I’m falling asleep. It is now 12 minutes past midnight. This means it’s November 7th. My anniversary has just begun! This is the good I’m talking about!!!!

November First

 When I am in a place like the picture to the left (Cheaha State Park in the fall), I am taken aback and so filled with praise and thankfulness to God for so many things.  But when I am wrapped in this kind of artistry, I can’t help but be thankful for my sight.  I have a friend who has pretty much lost her sight due to cancer.  My heart aches for her when I look at the beauty she once enjoyed at this time of the year.  Last fall, she was able to enjoy such scenery.  What a blessing.  If everything in my life seems to be falling apart, I can still praise God and have a thankful heart simply because I have my sight!  

Today, in my quiet time, not thinking about what today is…the first day of the month where we observe Thanksgiving. When I prayed I confessed to God how many times when I pray, I have this list that I “try” to think of because I know I am “supposed” to start with praise and come before the Lord with a thankful heart….but it doesn’t come naturally. It’s more like something I do because I know I’m supposed to but I want it to be a natural outpouring. Many times it is…but I can tell when I am not yielded to the Spirit because my prayers consist more of requests and less of praise and thanksgiving….even when I try so hard to not be that way. When I am fully yielded to Him and He is at the center of my heart and thoughts….the praise and thankfulness just flow out. What I am thankful for most of all on this first day of Thanksgiving is God’s perfect love full of mercy and grace that I can come to Him just as I am and His love never changes. Without this I could have never experienced redemption, joy, peace, rest, forgiveness, hope. Without this I have no reason for living.  

I also prayed today that God would deliver me from critical people or at least teach me to respond to them appropriately so as to quench the fiery darts cast in my direction. My life has been filled with so much destructive criticism.  As as a result, I became overly critical of myself and I set a bad example that has, in some ways, trickled down to my children.  I was once (and not so long ago) a very critical person myself because of all the criticism surrounding my life for so many years. I criticized to feel better about me.  That’s why most people criticize.  Criticism is rarely constructive but it can be when it is done in the right heart and with the right spirit.  I am so very thankful that God has given me a husband who is not this way towards me.  He will not say a bad thing about me no matter how much I know I must make him crazy at times!  He truly displays the 1Corinthians 13 kind of love to me in so many ways.   He does a much better job towards me than I do towards him. But, he is teaching me and I am changing.  He has been such a non-verbal teacher to me just by being an example. I am so blessed and he is the kind of people I want to surround myself with so I can learn to be a better person myself.  So, there you have it, yet another thing to be thankful for.

This post really is going a little all over the place but I think I’ll just leave it as it is, at least for now.  I would say that I’m going to blog something each day this month, but, it is likely that I won’t.  However, this month, I will try to keep my posts centered around thankfulness. Before I close I have to say that November is an easy month for me to be thankful because there are three very important dates I will celebrate aside from the traditional holiday.  This month, I celebrate my anniversary, my daughter’s birthday and my grandson’s birthday.  Despite some difficult times, these three things, and one in March (my son’s birthday), are at the top of my list of things that I am thankful for.  So, in this moment, I find praise comes easy…that God would be so merciful and compassionate as to give me such blessings!