Let’s Get Real – Part 2

So, if I stopped attending church services, does that mean I would be forsaking the fellowship with other believers? Absolutely not! Don’t be deceived into believing this.  Am I saying everyone should stop attending church services?  Absolutely not.  I am just saying that they are not necessary in order to fellowship and grow together with others in Christ. These are rules men have made. The greatest fellowship I have ever had with other believers has rarely occurred inside the walls of a church building.  The church is not a building. It is not a service.  It is not music.  It is not programs. It’s not the order of service.  It is not the ministries that are offered.  The church is the body of believers working as one body, taking action in the battle for the salvation of lost souls. She is led in battle by the Holy Spirit of God who has all power and victory.

Being the church means doing whatever it takes. It’s risking discomfort, ridicule, rejection, judgement, and more to win souls to Christ. It’s not about “doing” activities as much as it’s about building one on one relationships with those who may not be so much like you.  (In fact, too much activity may be more harmful than helpful in the mission of “the church”, but that’s another blog).  It’s about presenting Christ in such a way that the blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dumb will speak.  This is not done by control, force, manipulation, judgement, guilt trip, threats or finger pointing.  It is through love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I emphasize kindness and gentleness because that is something that I have experienced a lack of in my personal encounters with “church people” who are willing to tell others how they need to live and change but are unwilling to accept them and love where they are (maybe because they have yet to truly embrace the real definition of love as God has given in  1 Corinthians 13). I have been on both sides of this fence.

There an exodus from traditional church membership taking place in the current generation. I have read so many articles as to why this is happening.  Personally, I believe that the Holy Spirit is the instigator of the whole thing.  There are so many theories in the articles I have read, but the most common thing that I see is the addiction to tradition and giving an appearance of having it altogether.  This is personal for me because I have been struggling in this area myself.  We have been wearing masks for so long that we don’t even recognize that we wear them.  We have no clue what it means to take them off or how.  We don’t even know what that looks like!

I have been participating in the tradition of “church” for more than 30 years.  I tried so hard to keep up with the expectations, dress right, talk right, look right, act right.  I have seen the pendulum swing from materialism to intellectualism to emotionalism, to down right lunacy!  

I have met some wonderful Christian men and women in the traditional church setting who have been tools in the hands of God.  They don’t pretend to have it together.  They don’t usually run with the “popular” crowd.  They don’t fake humility, they are the example. They don’t seek accolades but freely give them.  They aren’t out to make a name for themselves or to fit in. They are out to make Christ’s name famous and to be different (a peculiar bunch I dare say).  I wish I could say that I have been one of those people but I haven’t. However, that is definitely changing!

I have been a traditional Christian for many years. I have sought to fit in but have never been able to do so (I understand now that it was by Divine grace).  I have put on a mask and said and did everything I thought was expected of me to belong.  Having been an object of ridicule and rejection for most of my life, I fought so hard to prevent that and to be accepted.  (I thought that going to church was the one place where I never had to worry about bullies.  Well, sadly, they are in church too. They just do it with a Bible in hand.)  But, no matter how much I grew in my walk with God, and no matter how much I crossed the t’s and dotted the i’s – I never measured up.  I have always felt like a target for criticism and I was my worst critic! What I didn’t realize is that I set myself up for it.

By not being real, I buried my insecurities, wounds, and pain.  They did not go away although I tried to convince myself and others that they had. In fact, they just kept getting worse the more I tried to hide them.  But, every time I was taken aside by another believer and given a laundry list of things about me I needed to fix, however I thought God had changed me and had grown me, that laundry list just pushed me from a place of victory back into defeated position.  Because there was so much messed up that I just refused to deal with in order to fit, (and you have to appear to have it altogether to fit), every item on that list just piled on top of those that were already hidden behind the fake smile on my face. Now, I see it happening to others and well, I think I need to put on my big girl pants and stop submitting to the authority of those who are hurting people and start standing up in the authority of God to defend them – no matter the cost, not matter how much drama it may stir up.  I do not fear drama! I will experience it but I will not let it intimidate me.  It will be controlled drama (is that an oxymoron or what?).

When I was young, I gave my heart to Christ.  Then, I began attending a local church (gathering).  I was messed up.  I had a lot to learn.  The youth had grown up together in Christian homes.  They did not welcome me into their group.  I was too ungodly and there was just too much drama surrounding my life.  It made them uncomfortable.  I did not get discipled.  I did not grow.  I never fit or felt loved.  So, I took my messed up self and went back to the people and things that felt safe.  I went back to old friends and a lifestyle that was very destructive.  It wasn’t until I had totally messed up my life and brought my first child into the world that I began to learn about surrender.

I went back to the “traditional church”.  But even after so many years had passed the same thing was still happening.  I even had family with me this time (by marriage).  I was still seeking love and acceptance but even among family, I was the fifth wheel. I was still pretty messed up. I still had tons of drama in my life.  In their fear and lack of desire to be made uncomfortable, the “good Christians” in the family and in the church shied away. I didn’t meet the required standards to make me acceptable enough to invest in a relationship.  Those who made an attempt to “help” only brought to me the laundry list of why I don’t belong and am not acceptable.  No matter how much I changed, they were always telling me how much I fell short.  That’s what’s so great about Jesus.  I know I fall short. Everyone does, but when we accept Christ we are on equal ground and some people fail to comprehend this.  Even I have.

However, there were those few authentic members of the body of Christ who dared to accept me as I was.  They helped me to see that I was a person of value to God and that I have gifts and a purpose and God has a plan for my life.  It was different people in different settings through the years who helped me to get to the place where I am now. I heard some life changing sermons and sat under many a great pastor and teacher. God blessed me and grew me more and more in spite of my obsession to fit in with the “popular crowd” at church gatherings.

I understand the exodus that is taking place in the traditional “church” setting.  I don’t think it’s  a bad thing at all.  In fact, I think the exodus that is taking place is not an exodus from “church” but an unveiling of the “true church”. It’s a “throwing away of masks”.  These people who do not attend regular services or have a membership of any particular denomination and list of rules and standards, they are some of the closest examples of Jesus Christ I have ever known in a group of people.  They have wisdom because they rely on the Holy Spirit and each other in His name.  They are not out for fame. They don’t rely on big degrees in biblical studies and Theology. They Have the Holy Spirit teaching them Truth like no university is able (although some of them are working on degrees).  Most people don’t even know who these believers are. They are not out to promote themselves or a cause.  They are not out to judge or point fingers. They are not out to change the world or even change lives as a goal. Their goal is to preach the gospel even to the ends of the earth. Their purpose is sharing the message of salvation. They are people who understand empathy. They are emotional but not into emotionalism. They are not out to give a perception. They are real.  They sacrifice like I have never seen the body of Christ do in my lifetime. They are not out to “keep up with the Jones'” or looking to live the “American dream”. They can even be pretty raw at times.  They love unconditionally.  They don’t run from drama for their own comfort and security.  In fact, they get right in the middle of people’s lives and experience the drama with them. They help take on and relieve some of that burden.  They are so bold and courageous. The fruit of the Spirit bursts out of them and Jesus Christ spills over them. This is what the body of Christ in action looks like. This is the church I desire to be involved with.

I don’t think that somebody should judge my level of godliness based on how many times per week I attend services or how many baby showers or parties I attend, or even how many ministries I lead or take part in. I don’t think somebody has the right to determine how mature a believer is based on how much drama they deal with.  In fact, those who walk with God should expect lots of drama. That’s what happens in warfare.  If you have no drama, you are probably avoiding conflict that perhaps needs to be confronted.  I don’t think that I should be striving to be accepted or gain the approval to fit in with my church peers.  Most of all, I don’t have the right to do that to anyone else! We live what we learn.  I don’t want to be that kind of believer anymore. I don’t want to be the one who overwhelms unbelievers and literally chases them right back to their misery!  I don’t want to cause people to run from God in my attempt to tell them that they need Him!  Oh my gosh my head is spinning at how much God has changed my thinking and how I see things!  This very dark veil has been lifted and I am seeing like I have never seen before!  I am not who I was when this  year began.

Church tradition is dying. From where I stand, it needs to.  This is not a bad thing at all! Why are so many people wasting time analyzing this and trying to change it? Why do we want to hold on so tightly to things God asks us to let go of?  Insecurity.  Security is in Christ, not tradition!  

The body of Christ is not dying. If  every believer would just step outside the box and open his eyes, he would see that the church is more alive than it has been in a long time (and rightfully so as the world is getting more evil than ever)! The reason that tradition is dying is because the true church (the body of Christ) is finally rising up from the dead!  Revival is breaking out, believers!  Don’t miss it holding on to tradition. Let go of the past!  Take off your masks!  Tear down the walls!  There are no walls that will hold what Jesus is about to do. If you refuse to tear down the walls, then you will miss everything that is happening on the outside!  Stop holding on to “the way it’s always been done”.  It isn’t working anymore because it’s too controlled by people. The Spirit is no respecter of walls!  You can’t put God in a box!  He will never fit in your box no matter how big it is!  Step outside the box and take part in the body of Christ! There are no denominational barriers here.  The Holy Spirit is One and He alone reveals Truth!  Trust Him!

Remember, it is the unlikely that God has always used to do the greatest things.  Just read your Bible. Don’t take my word for it!  This way He always gets the glory and He alone is worthy!

I am a drama queen because I serve the drama KING and His Story (The Holy Bible) is full of drama. 

Let’s Get Real

I post frequently on transparency.  It is vital for Christians to be real yet I realize more and more every day that being transparent puts a target on my back.  It makes me vulnerable to other’s criticism and judgments, especially those who think that our credibility lies in others perceptions of us.  This is true. But I don’t want others to have the perception that I have it altogether when I don’t.  That, to me is lying.  It’s fake.

I am called to ministry.  I know this.  I have had my doubts but those days are gone.  I just didn’t realize who I was called to minister to and what would be required of me.  I am not out to promote myself, my writings, my conferences, my agenda.  I use those things to accomplish the call but I certainly am not out to make myself famous (wasn’t always that way, but I know better now).  I am out to make His name famous.  I do that by putting my reputation on the line.

I know I will be rejected.  I know I will be mocked. I know I will suffer.  I will not be popular (which is something I wasted most of my life striving for).  But, I do know my biggest fan is God.  He is my cheerleader, my instructor, my guide.  It’s all His stage and He applauds me.  I just find that incomprehensible.  

It is my goal to be real and to say what I believe God wants me to say, regardless of the backlash because there are people out there whose lives will change and they will see God through my transparency.  I have been taken aside more times than I can count and given a list of reasons why I don’t qualify in a “church” setting (church is in quotes because church is not a building or meeting place, it is the body of Christ).  Some of these things were things I needed to hear and they helped me to grow.  Some of them left terrible scars that I still take to the Lord on a regular basis.  I have had to overcome bitterness.  I have battled (and still do) being overly critical because criticism has always played a huge part in my life and shaped a poor image of how I should think of myself.  I battle being negative because I have often been surrounded by negativity.  I ran to religion to escape criticism and judgement only to find it at times even more prominent among the religious.

But then…

I ran to God.  Even religious people, even born again believers like myself, we fail.  We can be cruel. We can be hypocrites.  We are so imperfect (which is why I believe so many feel the need to wear masks – even to hide from themselves).  Only God is perfect. Only God loves perfectly.  He is the Only One who will never fail. He loves us in spite of our failures and He can never love us anymore or any less then he does in this very moment. He loves us perfectly and completely right where we are at any given point in our lives.

Being transparent often leads people to misunderstand your heart and your intentions.  People fear transparency. They fear people who are real because life has taught us that real is unacceptable. But, we have to be real if we are going to reach the imperfect, messed up, lost people who so desperately need to experience real people like themselves.  These  people are looking for hope not condemnation. They have seen enough of that to last a lifetime.  If we never reveal the brokenness, how can we share the power of God’s healing?  How can we share God’s love if we give the impression that a mature believer is one who always has it together?  How can we help a person who is overcome by emotion, criticism, a sense of total worthlessness, judgement,  and drama if we deny these things also exist in our lives?

I do not apologize for being real.  Judge me if you will.  This world is full of fake people trying to make an impression.  I refuse to be one of those people ever again (I was never really good at it anyhow).  I have a people group I am compelled to reach and these people need real.  It’s time to be real.  If this will damage my popularity among my peers, then I will embrace my lofty position because popularity to me is not an achievement, it’s an obstacle that puts the focus on me.

The only thing that matters is doing what God asks of me and He asks me to be real.  So, I embrace the wounds that leave the scars that come with that.  God uses them to make me stronger! They tell such a beautiful story!  “I’m over acting strong when I ain’t even in control” – Mandisa “You’ve Got to Be Real”

There are no Words

I’m going to try my best to write about what happened to me today that has totally altered the direction of my walk with God.  Everything that has happened this year has led to this point.  It was gut wrenching and I’m still trying to process it all but it started at the register at Target when I got cash back that I really didn’t need (or so I thought).

So, there I was at the exit.  And as usual, there was a homeless person there holding a sign.  But this time it was different.  Often I pass by (usually because I don’t carry cash on hand or I’m in a hurry or I don’t want to hold up traffic or to be really honest, I am apathetic).  I felt God’s voice speak to my heart to give this girl the cash I got back at the store. So, I did.  But, this time I didn’t just hand it over and go like I have done the very few other times I have done this.  I held on to her hand and looked her in the eye and said, “This is not from me, it is from Jesus because He loves you.”  At that point, a weird connection took place.

Then I drove away.

But as I drove, I began to struggle.  I felt this deep urge to turn around and go back and I began to tell God about my plans.  If anyone ever heard God laugh, I think I did in that moment.  I also heard him say, “But,  these are my plans…go back!  Ask her to lunch.”

I thought, “Michael is going to kill me!  I’m picking up a homeless person from the side of the road!”  I was so nervous.

She willingly came with me as I took her out to lunch and began to hear her story.  I looked at her. She was so beautiful past all the dust and dirt that covered her.  She was so young. She was my daughter’s age.  I thought, “How can I leave her on the side of the road when this is over?”  Well, long story short, that is what she wanted and what I had to do.

I reached out to a person from our church to help me with all of this.  He came, we talked (the three of us prior to her leaving), and hopefully it made a difference.  After she left, however, I felt compelled to meet with him and talk more about this.  What I didn’t know was that my meeting her today was just the spark that started a blazing hot fire.  Our meeting had little to do with helping her and much to do with me facing my own demons.

When I met up with the person I had called for help, (we’ll call him Mark).  We began to discuss the conversation we had with the young woman I will call Mary.  We didn’t agree on everything the other did/said. But, the conversation was so filled with the Spirit of God that we were able to understand one another.  I am amazed how a conversation about Mary’s situation led to something altogether different. Somehow, God connected these dots and all of it just came together.

Mark told me things that had I met with him a month ago, I would not have handled well because my heart just wasn’t ready to receive it.  However, the journey I have been on this summer, (the focus on John 15, the 40 Days of fasting and prayer – all of it) prepared me for this moment with who I would have thought of as probably one of the most unlikely people I would have felt safe being so transparent with.

Without going into a lot of unnecessary detail, God gave me courage to stay the course as He opened doors through conversation which required me to swallow my pride and put my neck on the line. I was confronted with some truth that a month ago, would have sent me packing.  Instead, because God had prepared my heart, I was able to take it with grace and accept it for what it was.  I was able to confess and get rid of some junk that has held me back from serving God to the capacity I know I am called to.  

I felt like I had wasted my walk with God for the last 20 or so years due to my own immaturity as a believer.  But as soon as I said that, God spoke to me instantly.  He pointed out to me that nothing is wasted. He showed me where I was when I first met Him.  He showed me where I was 10 years later, and 10 years later, and today (okay so I’m now giving away my age).  

I have often compared myself to others who take off in ministry in their younger years.  This is wrong.  This is the enemy.  First of all, it’s not even about me at all.  It’s about Him. It’s about His glory.  When I look back at the obstacles I have had to face, I see such amazing grace!  I can’t compare myself to others because they haven’t had the same life experiences I have had.  I should never compare myself to another person to determine my worth or my success.  It’s apples and oranges. God is the only one who is qualified to define me.  I am not even qualified to do it myself.

Comparing myself to others always takes my focus off of God and puts it on me and this is sin.  It leads me to the pit of self-pity and I hate that pit and I don’t want to go there anymore. It stirs up so much unnecessary drama that I so much want gone from my life. I have experienced a lot of abuse in my years but I think the worst damage as an adult has been self-inflicted. 

All summer,  God has been confronting me with some unhealthy aspects of my life.  I used to say that drama follows me wherever I go no matter how hard I try to avoid it.  But, the surest way to get rid of it is not to even acknowledge it. Give it no credence whatsoever.  I don’t need to defend myself. I don’t need to retaliate.  I just need to be confident in the One who died for me and who I am because of His grace.

When I was confronted, I was embarrassed because I knew Mark was right. God had been dealing with me about it all summer but I didn’t have to confess it to anyone until this point.  I thought it was my dirty little secret but what I didn’t know was that up until God revealed it, I was probably the only one who didn’t see it. I was humiliated at this open confession of my behavior and that I had allowed it to go on for so long.  I was ashamed.  I was broken.  But………..

Jesus covered me.  He took my shame.  He lifted me up.  He delivered me.  The best thing is…HE TAUGHT ME.  I feel such a sense of freedom from captivity, a self-imposed captivity because I denied what I needed to admit and confront myself.

I don’t know what will happen with Mary but, I  do know this.  God’s purpose for putting her in my path today was very planned. It seems as though Jesus revealed Himself through the least likely. Oh how I wish I could tell her.  It was meeting her that opened my eyes to my own spiritual homelessness and refusal to make choices to change that.  

I am praying and hoping that our paths will cross again.  I am praying that God will open the eyes of Mary’s heart as He did mine. I have faith that one day I will see her sharing the story of how God changed her life as she is used to reach others like her and see Him change theirs too.  He has already changed mine because of her.

Before all this happened today, I had coffee with a friend and I told her that God can even speak to us through those who don’t believe.  I had no idea He was about to do this and drastically change my life in just a few short hours from that moment. He uses the least likely, least qualified and most unexpected people to do the most amazing things!  Just read the Bible if you don’t believe me.  Although I have written much…I just don’t feel like I got the point across.  I just don’t know how to truly express what happened today.  I feel like all of what I have written makes it so much smaller than it really was.  There really just are no words.  Oh how He loves us! To God be the glory.  Amen.

Funny Follow Up

I just had to post this.  Many years ago, I got very excited while listening to a song by Rebecca St. James based on Isaiah 40:31.  It’s hard to describe what I did in response.  I wanted to lift my hands and spread my arms like eagles’s wings as the eagle soars over the earth, high above all her troubles. I did this when she sings, “Gather up your wings and fly”.  But somehow my “wings” got stuck and it didn’t turn out right.  A friend who was with me just busted out laughing.  We laughed long and hard.  When I was looking for a picture to place in my last post, I came across this one.  I had to laugh because it’s exactly what an eagle would have looked like if it were imitating me in that moment.  At least I know now that eagles actually do mount up in the manner I did….not so sure how well an eagle would “soar” in this position however! Just try to picture me posing like this!  Go ahead and laugh…it’s a great medicine (then again, it may be one of those moments where you just had to be there)! 

 

When Life is Overwhelming…

I have had much on my heart and mind lately. Some days it seems like as fast as I lay things down to the Lord, more things pile up to lay down to Him. But, I must keep handing it over or else it will take me under. I’m not writing this because I need to unload on you. I’ve already unloaded on Him. But I write this for those of you who are walking this path with me. Perhaps it’s in a different way, different circumstances. Perhaps you are not responding to things in the same way I am. Sometimes, my response is selfish and sinful. Other times I actually manage to glorify God in my response. It’s the suffering and affliction that weakens us and the enemy uses these opportunities to get in our heads and take our focus away from the Truth. The only way to overcome is to get our focus on the the Truth and that is found in scripture and prayer. I read something today and I never thought of it this way before but it makes sense. Sickness and affliction are merely the shadows of God’s wing. God uses our weakness to make us strong. We always get stronger. We always find strength to get through when we turn to God. We always get weaker when we focus on the circumstances and self-pity. My only hope in this…”But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint” – Isaiah 40:31.

On days like this, when I am tempted to slip. When I have had more than enough…these words strengthen me. They give me hope. They keep me moving forward, striving for that prize that can only be found in Christ. I will praise His name forever.

“Imperfect” Moms

This post is taken from Boo Seller’s Facebook status. I just love when people are authentic so I wanted to post this on my blog. I’m sure many of the moms who read this will be able to identify…… 

“With today being FBF, instead of sharing a picture, I wanted to share a real-life, true, messy mama story. I shared this with some ladies a few nights ago so it has been fresh on my mind…and then last night the boy & I stopped by dollar tree & he spotted a styrofoam airplane & asked if he could get it. I started sweating a little & my heart was about to jump out of my chest as I waited for the sucker-punch of “mom, you remember when you broke mine?” However, he never once even began to mutter those words and bring up the past, SHEW!!!! Such a reminder to me of how when God forgives us our sins are cast as far as the east is to the west. It is a good thing when our kiddos see that we don’t have it all together or know it all and that we’re seeking help from the only One who does…praying this encourages your mama-heart in knowing that bad moments don’t make bad mamas…be blessed!

Just Keeping It Real!

All day yesterday was a great day. Everything was going just as planned – work got done, time spent with my boy, my hubby got home, my boy helped make peppermint patties, dad played hot wheels with the boy – awesome! In the midst of it all I had something that I needed to tend to & so did Mike. I was on the phone with someone about visiting our church.  Mike was doing some school work. Our boy decided he wanted to play with his styrofoam airplane, (which is all good until his daddy had asked him to stop). I instead of complying,  he threw it into the kitchen (which he is not supposed to do) and it landed on top of the freshly. dipped. peppermint.patties **GASP**. What in the world? I would like to say that i responded very gently, however, that is an understatement. Instead, without even a break in my conversation on the phone, I took that airplane, placed it underneath my foot and broke it in half while looking him straight in the eye – and carried on with my conversation:

‘Yes, our services start at 8:45, we would love to have you join us’. Oh, did I mention that  I was talking to someone about our church services?

The boy was crying uncontrollably in the background – yep, go ahead and hand me that ‘mama of the year award’! Oh.my.word! What was I thinking? My boy was traumatized (honestly, so was I). After a cooling down I got down on my boy’s level so I could look him in his eyes.

‘Mama was wrong. I did not make the better choice. I broke God’s heart.  Will you please forgive me?’

My boy was so gentle in his response, ‘Yes mama, I do.  Can you fix my plane because it is my favorite?’

So, we got the broken pieces and taped it all back together and much to his surprise it was better than it was before!  

I share this because our home is not perfect~we make mistakes~we say I am sorry~we ask for forgiveness~we forgive~we love.

I am so thankful that today is a new day and a gorgeous one at that.  God will take your broken pieces and put them back together, stronger and better than the day before!”

“if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness”

~1 John 1:9

What to do When Your Church Changes

This is  a great post by a friend of mine. I just had to share.  Check it out!

 

A Comforting Word

“Through the history of God’s work you will usually find that He has started with the obscure, the unknown, the ignored, but with those who have been steadfastly true to Jesus Christ” – Oswald Chambers

“The water I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life” –  John 4:14

Who Determines Your Value?

Couldn’t have said it better myself!

A Word for the Week

One of the things that people often struggle with is their personal worth. I’m not talking about your monetary worth but your value as a person. Each of us has a certain value. Unfortunately many people have allowed their value to be determined by other people who use their own personal standards to determine value. Many times people value us, not for who we are, but for what we can do for them. They might value you on how well you do your job, or on what they can get from you or on how you benefit them in some way, instead of valuing you for your worth as an individual created in the image of God.

How other people value us also determines how we value ourselves. Just because we are human, we see our own significance in light of other people’s opinions of us. If we sense that…

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When the Rug is Pulled Out….

I am at rest in God alone;my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation,my stronghold; I will never be shaken (Psalm 62:1-2).

It is September 11.  While I am not going to write another blog focusing on what happened on this day (because plenty of people already have), I will remember the fallen.  On this day in 2001, the rug was pulled out from under us but God was and is still on the throne.  It did not surprise Him.  It did not cause him to tremble. He has never not been in control in our world and He is never not in control of the events in our personal lives. He uses failure to bring us to success, rejection to draw us to His acceptance, suffering to experience joy and loss that we might gain through a closer relationship with Him.  Here are 10 things I have learned from difficult life experiences.

1. I don’t have the control and power over my circumstances like I once thought I did. I do have choices and those choices can determine the outcome (Proverbs 19:21). But, my choices are not the only thing to factor. Other people have choices too and their choices impact my life. Unforeseen circumstances impact my life (which brings me to the next point).

2. I always have a choice at how I will respond to people, pain and circumstances even when they are out of my ability to control (James 1:4) .

3. Only God is Sovereign . He has control of all things at all times and nothing comes as a surprise to Him (Hebrews 2:8, Romans 11:33) . He always responds perfectly and love is always His motive because God is love (1 John 4:8).

4. The only One I can fully trust always is God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit (Proverbs 3:5).

5. Failure and success don’t determine my worth, only God does.   He thinks I am to die for (John 3:16, Romans 5:8, 1 Peter 2:9)

6. Success is not what people say it is. It is not what religious leaders say it is. It is certainly not the way the world defines it. In fact, success is quite the opposite.  Success in life is when I can finally get to that place where I understand that I am nothing and I can accomplish nothing good apart from Him (John 15:5).

7. In realizing how little control I have in determining the events in my life and whether or not I am worthy or successful, I have learned that life is unstable. Only God is always stable and able. He has allowed the events in my life that I might be made holy through being molded into the image of Christ. He will continue to allow events and perhaps even cause events to take place in order to continue to mold me (Isaiah 64:8)

8. I have seen and lived and finally chose to believe God…to accept the truth. GOD IS GOING TO BE GLORIFIED in my life. It’s about Him and He is about making me Holy for His glory alone! I am to be holy because I am created in His image and through Christ, He is in me (1 Peter 1:16). This is the good that God works out for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

9. God breaks me down in order to build me up (Isaiah 48:10, Isaiah 61:3).

10. I have learned that when I am able and when I think I can control things, that is when I am the least able and the most out of control. I have learned that the rug can be pulled out from under me at any given moment but He will always catch me when I fall (Psalm 37:24). I have learned that He will do whatever it takes to get the focus of my heart where it needs to be.

All in all, these heart wrenching circumstances that life has dished out, they have taught me the only way to security and that insecurity is at the root of all my bad choices. I have seen now and understand.  The only way to security is to die to myself and trust in God alone. The only way He will become more in my life is when I become less. I must realize that His plan for me is HIS plan and it’s nothing like I can imagine. It is not for me to invite Him to my plans but He who invites me to join in on His.  He has plans for us, not the reverse (Jeremiah 29:11). I will fail at every attempt that is not part of that plan.  It all comes together in this statement: The only success I can ever speak of is to boast in His greatness and my powerlessness (Jeremiah 9:23-24).

I will fail at every relationship, every attempt at ministry, every good deed if it does not make great His name, if I seek to do it with even the slightest selfish ambition (Philippians 2:3). I understand now the song, “He is Able”. I am clearly not able but He clearly is. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him and every success in life is because of Him and in all of it He alone is worthy of all glory, honor and praise (James 1:17). I understand now what it means to be content whether things are going wonderful or terrible because all things work together for good when we are in Christ and He receives the glory .

I understand why getting my reward in Heaven is far greater than anything this world has to offer (Philippians 4: 12-13). I understand that it’s not “being humble” to redirect the praise of men to God…but truly He is the only one worthy!  All praise belongs to Him and Him alone! My God holds my reward in Christ.  He gives me praise and encouragement even in the midst of the worst messes I create for myself.  He adores me and calls me His own  What amount of praise can any man give that even can compare?  What reward can this world offer that is greater than the reward that is found in Christ?  I don’t need my name in lights. It means nothing to me. I’m famous in my Fathers eyes.  His applause is all I seek! I am already so adored by Him. What on this planet could be greater or offer more?  

Seeking worldly fame and the applause of people is a waste of time and energy because I am already famous in God’s eyes. Anything else is meaningless in comparison. It’s all His stage and He knows my name! This comes from a song I love.  It is another one of those “turning point” songs in my life.  I do wish I had all of them in a list!  But, it would be so long. I am so thankful for the people like Mandisa and Francesca Battistlli who God uses to speak to me through music.  I am so thankful He has blessed them with the ability to reach into people’s hearts and draw them to Himself through music!