Imperfect Christians

Just a random post, unedited.

 

For me, the greatest hurdles in life that I have had to overcome, were not put there by those in my past who have abused and mistreated me, so much as believers who have done this. We have this expectation that God’s people will love us and accept us because, well, they are God’s people and God is loving. Then, our expectations are crushed when that first blow comes. For me, it was when I attended church for the very first time after getting saved. I was not accepted by the youth…for a multiple of reasons. Then, something terrible happened with a deacon. I left church so disenchanted and went on a rebellious rampage for the next several years that wreaked havoc on my walk with God and on my life. People who were not Christians did terrible things that messed me up pretty bad but because of my experience with church people, I didn’t choose to go back. I kept avoiding Christians and my life kept spiraling out of control. I finally got to a place where I realized how desperately I needed God in my life. I went back to church and surrendered my heart to Him once again…vowing to not let anything come between us. Since that day I have gradually been growing in my relationship with God. He has taken all the terrible things in my past and brought something wonderful out of it. He wasted nothing. But, time and again, I have continued to experience rejection and have not been accepted by some groups of church goers. I was terribly broken from pain due to rejection from specific people who I loved the most (the people we love the most have the greatest potential to break our hearts). I’m not saying all this to make people look down on the church. I’m certainly not saying this because I am bitter or trying to hurt anyone. I’m saying this in light of what I have learned from it all. As a Christian, I had this idea that Christians should be more perfect than others. But, I have only to have a look in the mirror to see the many imperfections in my own life as a believer. Christians aren’t perfect. We are flawed humans like every one else. We still sin. We will sin until we are perfected in Christ and that doesn’t happen as long as we are physically alive on this earth. We are all in different places in our walk with God, being made more perfect as we go and as we grow together. There is an enemy that the lost and saved have in common. This enemy works harder on those who know they need God than those who don’t think they need Him. Satan goes to church. He knows the Bible better than most of us. He knows how to twist things and works overtime on messing around in the heads of God’s people. This is why we have to work so hard on staying in God’s word. He uses the busyness of life and distractions anytime we try to get closer to God. I battle this daily. Every Christian does. My biggest road blocks have come from pain inflicted in my life from the body of Christ. But this is not their fault. This is my fault. It’s my fault because I take my eyes off of God and put them on me. Then, I try to justify it. Then, instead of seeing them as imperfect people like me, I grow bitter. I then, inflict hurt on others as I have been hurt. This is what happens when I get my eyes off of God and on me. This is satan’s game. He wants us to be all about ourselves because that is the exact opposite of what God calls us to be. When people mistreat me, my Christian response should always be love and forgiveness and I can only do this by keeping my eyes on Christ and my face in the Word of God. It’s not about me. It never was. It’s not about others. It never was. It’s all about Him. Reaching out and loving others glorifies God. There is NOTHING in the Bible that teaches us to love self. It teaches us to DIE to self. So, self-esteem…not biblical. We don’t have to worry about self-esteem when we are focused on the glory of God. In fact, when I stand in His presence, I can only realize how small I am and how much I need Him. I am perfect in His eyes…right where I am…because when He looks at me, He sees His perfect Son in me. That is the only hope of worth I will ever have because apart from Christ, I am a mess.