Just When Everything Seems to be Going Right

Triggers

In my Bible Reading Plan I am on Genesis 42 when Joseph is overcome by emotion at the sight of his younger brother for the first time.  I often ponder this scene and try to put myself in Joseph’s place to understand why he may have responded in this way.  Today, I came up with something I never really thought about before.  Instead of asking myself, “Why did he respond this way?”, I understood a little more about how past hurts don’t always go away just because life is good.  Sometimes we suppress things when all is well.  Joseph was extremely blessed in everything he did.  He understood his purpose and how God allowed things to happen to cause him to be in the position he was in.  He had a luxurious life, a beautiful bride and two healthy sons.  He was second only to Pharaoh.  It would appear he had it all.  But, he obviously had harbored some bitterness towards his brothers in spite of the fact that God used it all for good.  When he saw his little brother he probably felt so cheated that he never got to grow up with him and know him as a brother.  All the pain and hurt that he experienced from the day he was thrown into the well seemed to rise up from the depths where he buried it. 

Oh how I can identify with him.  God has used the abuse, neglect and rejection that has so deeply wounded me in the past.  He has used it to bring me to a place with Him that I could never have arrived at without those events taking place. What was intended to harm me, God intended for good (Genesis 50:20). He has turned the ashes of my past into the beauty of my present.  I have been abundantly blessed and given positions in leadership that could only be at His hand. But despite all the blessings, I still have days when something will happen or somebody will say something at just the right moment that will trigger all that pain and hurt to come rushing back in.  I have to be very careful to get my focus back quickly or I will slip into a pit of despair and self-pity.

Do You Stuff the Hurt?

For so many years I have stuffed things because well, all good Christians “forgive and let go” right?  Often we paint on a smile and let the world think that we are “over it” instead of being transparent.  We cry in private and stuff it back down, paint on the smile and go on as if we are healed.  Often we even convince ourselves that we truly are, yet we live in denial.

What I have learned from this story is that there is a difference between ignoring the painful event and letting it go. Peace comes with forgiveness. It doesn’t necessarily mean the memory will go away or stop hurting. But, when we hurt we don’t let it turn to bitterness. We forgive as many times as necessary and give our hurt to God instead of burying it deep within.  

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the memory will cease to hurt, but it ceases to have authority in our lives.

Joseph’s circumstances cause me to think about how I treat others as well.  One misspoken word can injure a person for life. I have done this more times than I’d care to admit.  This is why God teaches us that we need to guard our tongues.  We have the power of life and death in our words.  It also teaches us that we are only to speak words that encourage and lift up.  This doesn’t mean that we should not hold people accountable or correct things that are wrong, but that we should do it in a way that restores and gives life, not in a way that only causes more damage to occur.  It must be God’s words spoken from God’s Heart in God’s time.  It will be Truth saturated in Grace. Our words say a lot about our heart (see Matthew 12:34).  If we pay attention to our words, then we can identify areas in our heart that are not right.  Then, we must take action to do something about it.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we will feel love and joy when we think about the incident that hurt us.  Forgiveness means that we no longer hold it against the person who inflicted the hurt.  We will not bring it up to them. We will treat them with kindness as if the incident had not happened.  It means we will no longer blame them in our hearts, nor will we continue to speak of the incident to others in such a way as to continue to accuse the person who caused the injury.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean the memory will cease to hurt, but it ceases to have authority in our lives. 

The Beauty of Scars

We all have scars.  The memory or how the wound was inflicted may always be painful.  Some scars never fade away completely. We can choose to see the scars as ugly or as a beautiful reminder of the healing that has taken place. Scars show us where God has brought us from.  Joseph chose to forgive and lived in peace with his brothers.  He loved them.  He provided for them with joy and celebration.

 Joseph’s brothers repented.  This helps a victim to extend forgiveness.  But, sometimes, those who hurt us never repent and we still must forgive.  It is in these moments that we must remember that God only asks us to do what He is willing to equip us to do.  Forgiveness is not for the person who has caused the pain so much as it is the healing balm to the wound that has been inflicted. It also heals the brokenness of our relationship with God that an unwillingness to forgive causes.

Forgiveness allows the wound to heal and sets the injured free. Forgiveness can restore broken relationships.  Jesus is the perfect example of the redemptive power of forgiveness.  To each of us who repent and accept His forgiveness, we are reconciled to God and cleansed from all our wrongdoing.  When we don’t forgive, we allow the person who injured us to continue to injure us when they may never even give us a second thought.  God’s heart breaks for those who will not accept Christ’s forgiveness. They don’t see that they have done anything that warrants it.  This breaks God’s heart but He still chooses to forgive.  For this, if for no other reason, I am compelled to forgive. Remember….