Surrendering My Dreams

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately, pondering a lifetime of unfulfilled dreams. I had dreams for years but they haven’t panned out…at all.  I have dreamed of being deeply involved in performing arts (music, theater).  I’ve dreamed of leadership in women’s ministry. I’ve dreamed of being a great evangelist, a writer, dynamic speaker with great influence. Don’t misunderstand.  I want to use the gifts I have been given for Kingdom purposes. I want to leave a legacy.  I want to be used by God to the fullest. He gave me my gifts and talents and I don’t want to waste them.  I don’t want to be a bench warmer on Sunday mornings.  I want to use my voice to lead worship or use my talent in theater to create skits.  I dream of conferences for women that would help them to find healing in a broken world.  God has blessed me with abilities.  I have a degree in leadership.  But, I find that I am going nowhere fast with these things and I get discouraged.

I’ve been listening to a song called Surrender by Barlow Girl. It’s about letting go of our dreams that we think define us and surrendering them to God, and how difficult it is to let them go. I spent so many years of my life dreaming and I’ve spent a lot of it watching from the sidelines in great envy as others have lived out the dreams I had for me…even dreams I thought God had for me. But, none of these dreams have come to fruition and as time sifts away, It doesn’t look like they will. So I wonder, were those dreams not from God? Or, were they? If I’m letting go of the dreams I thought He gave me…and He did…then should I give up? Yes! I still need to surrender to Him and trust Him with my dreams. His plans for me will not be forsaken. Whatever they are – my health problems, lack of popularity, lack of ability to get others to catch a vision, lack of influence…these things will not stop God’s plans. My weaknesses are not an issue for Him! In fact, it is in my weakness that He is most glorified. I must let go. I must surrender…even though my heart cries, “but, my dreams are me”!